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One little boy was noted as having said “Gramma, I don’t want to eat this granola bar, it tastes stinky,”. Everyone had a good laugh at the little boy. But you know what? It turns out he was right, it did taste stinky.
There I was hiking on a trail, about 90 miles from anything. I was moving at a good clip, like a horse. And that’s when it happened. I stepped on a stick of wood. It snapped and I must have come down on my head cause i blacked out. When I woke up I couldn’t move but i was floppin’ around like a fish out of water. Then I saw ‘em. Eyes, surrounding me. You know what it was? Big Horn Sheep. Flesh eating Big Horn Sheep. And they moved in to cannibalize me. They ate me alive and that’s the only reason I’m still alive to tell about it.
A really cool job would be to get paid to tear down an old house with a light saber.
Some of my best childhood memories are family vactions. I especially liked the part when dad put me in a burlap sack and kicked me down a mountain.
The cool thing about removable limbs is that you could really freak someone out by switching an arm and a leg.
- Next time you see someone walking down the street with their neck craned forward, walking in a bit of a shuffle and flapping their arms intermittently, don’t laugh cause maybe they have a condition that makes them this way.
- They say “Your real character is who you are when no one is looking”. I guess I’m a booger pickin’, nude, nose hair pluckin’, wedgie pullin’ moron.
- Maybe the question shouldn’t be “The Chicken or the Egg?” but, did the first chicken have eggs for breakfast?
- Everyone always asks, “Why is the sky blue?”. I have always wondered “How does the sky stay up there?”
Jack Handy had some deep thoughts. I had some of my own thoughts:
If I ever become Mayor, I’m going to have the city begin paving a road to nowhere. By the time they figure out I duped them I will have made off with the keys to the city.
Next time you’re on a bike ride with your grandma, I think it would be funny to jam a stick in her spokes. No, that wouldn’t be funny. But it would be funny if she did it to you.
Think about, Aliens aren’t really that mysterious. Flying? We can do that. Going to other planets? So can we. Cutting our heads open and blasting out the brain matter with water or air? So can we!
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