Alarm Clocks 7:59

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I was 6 minutes late to work today-don’t tell anyone. I have a system of setting my alarm clock 10 minutes ahead so I’m not late, but my thinking kills that failsafe. When I wake up, instead of thinking it’s 10 minutes closer to time to go, I think Oh it’s OK, I have 10 more minutes! So I am always just barely getting to work in the nick of time anyway. Well, remember I told you in an earlier post that aliens, extraterrestrials if you will, came and stole my alarm clock. So I got this new one and its works a little different-you have to turn the alarm back on after killing it so it’s ready for the next day. I forgot to do that yesterday, so no alarm today. It seems like in this day and age we’d have more sophisticated alarm clocks-one’s with a little miniature alarm clock on top that reminds you to set your alarm clock for the next day. While we’re at it, how about one that could tell whether you’re in bed or not by some sort of weight pad under the mattress. This way your roommates wouldn’t get pissed at your clock going off when you were out of town. AND, what’s with the annoying sound they make? Why can’t they play soothing classical music that could put you to sleep? Oh…I see the fault in that logic, but why can’t they also be used as sleep clocks? 11:00 time to sleep-*click* and you hear audio Valium. So instead of the annoying sound to wake you up, how about a little motor that winds your blinds thus letting in the sunlight and then a little arm or finger that can push the remote button to your TV that has Good Morning America playing. And then a little noise maker that sounds like other people getting up in the house and making breakfast (cause MY roommates NEVER wake up) And then a little smell unit that pumps out the smell of bacon and eggs. Then a remote control that gets the kitchen robot going that is making real bacon and eggs. That kitchen robot would be the personification of all the negative connotation of a house wife. The Kitchbot, we’d call it, would perpetually be bare foot and pregnant with a baby Kitchbot. A baby Kitchbot would be ready to take over when the old one got rusty and quit being efficient. Kitchbots would clean the toilet and vacuum too. They would have to have a sensor that told them where the cat or dog was cause a robot would not know not to vacuum the cat up. Cats hate robots.

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