Da Blues

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

Not that I don’t like the Blues, but I don’t listen to them when I’m sad. There is a degree of acceptance in Blues music; they seem Blue about things, but more like “Well, that’s reality, deal with it,”. But I’m like no way! I’m not gonna DEAL with it Joe Burns! I shouldn’t be in this situation. The world done me wrong! I want my music to feel like I feel. Moby is good.

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A Low Rumbling

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

I’m freakin’ out man!! I hear a low rumbling, kind of like a semi passing by on the interstate or someone a block away sitting their car listing to their music with the sub woofers blaring. The thing is, no one else can hear it. Charity said I must have a brain anurism (sp). Featuring Enchilada McKenzie said I should just shut up and turn up the Beach Boys I was listening to. The thing is the bass is UNDER the Beach Boys!!! Maybe Tag Team’s ‘Whoomp There It Is’ or the Beastie Boy’s “Brass Monkey” or the 69 Boy’s ‘Tootsie Roll’ would have the bass to cover it up, but certainly not these oldies like We Five – they recorded before bass was invented. Just kidding, they played bass guitars, but there wasn’t this sonic, studio produced bass that is most electronic and hip hop music. Remember when sub woofers first started showing up everywhere and then these guys started have bass contests at their car shows. This led to the bass tests CDs that really aren’t music, just pulsing sounds that blow out normal speakers. this is what the aliens are using on me RIGHT now. No one else can hear it because they aimed the sound waves right at my head. They are having a bass contest and they found that when they channel the sound waves through my mind, it amplifies the bass. This is because I can use my imagination to make a sub woofer that is so big it doesn’t fit well into the Grand Canyon. All i can do is let them finish the contest. I bet I don’t get anything for helping them out. Selfish bastards. Get OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!!

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Area Man Jumps From 30ft Cliff, Lives to Tell the Tale

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

Cliff Jump

 

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Sueing for Too Cold Popcicle

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

These days it seems like people are sue happy. There are so many rules set up so businesses and stuff can guard against being sued, it’s ridiculous. And it’s because people will sue for the smallest stupid things. If people would only sue for things that mattered. For instance, yesterday my buddy Daniel opened up a popsicle and put his lips on it. Realizing it was too cold he pulled away. He then noticed something white across the red popsicle. At first glance you’d think it was part of the wrapper, but then we noticed the wrappers were clear plastic. He said “I think it’s my lip”. At which point I examined his bottom lip to see a bloody spot in the shape of the white thing on the popcicle. Yes, people, he ripped his lip off. Now I think it is our duty to sue for popcicles that are too cold.

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Should I Eat THis Day Old Chicken Sandwich?

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

Somebody gave me a Chik Fil A chicken sandwich yesterday. I was very greatful but I could not eat it. So I stuck it in my desk drawer to save for today. I was told by someone I should not eat it because it will now be full of bacteria. What do you think? Should I eat it? It is still wrapped in its protective foil/paper wrap. I would be surprised if bacteria could climb in through that…it is wrapped fairly tightly with no sandwich showing through anywhere. I also don’t think there’s bacteria in my desk drawer-why would they want to be there? There is nothing in there for them to live on….except maybe some gum. But you can’t survive on gum, I don’t even think it’s digestible. So no bacteria in the desk drawer. So they would have to somehow find out about my sandwich in there and then somehow get in the drawer and then muscle their way into through the wrap. I conclude my sandwich is safe to eat.

Thank you for reading J WU!

Kickball

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

Kickball is fun but if you play barefoot it might made your foot red and sore. If you play while drinking Coronas after a fiesta, rules are you have to keep you drink in your hand the whole time. This is not too hard if your team is up to bat, but when you’re out in the filed, catching can be a little tricky. It is then OK to set your beer down but make sure it’s within about 5 feet of you. Its fun to drink it as much as you can before being forced to set it down to make a catch. Make sure if you kick it over the fence, there aren’t vicious dogs over there. Use shirts as bases. Girls should keep their shirts on as this is modest and customary in our culture.

Thank you for reading J WU!