Freakin Super Banana

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]


Is it just me, or have you guys noticed the abnormally large produce at Wal Mart?

  • Tomatoes the size of softballs.
  • Onions the size of um…softballs.
  • Huge apples
  • and oranges
  • Pumpkins
  • Potatoes
  • Celery sticks as big as…softballs
  • Even their non-produce is huge, like the meat and even the paper-towel rolls
  • Strawberries as big as meteorites

I believe they are pumping them full of hormones to make them look more desirable on the shelf. They are chemically doing things to make their color brighter because they are picking them before they are ripe. I kind of think this Gigantor Food is disgusting, but I eat it nevertheless. Today for instance, I was eating a banana and it was a powerful banana. its skin nearly impenetrable. I grabbed the opener tab and pulled like usual but the babana would not open. I yanked on that sucker and instead of ripping open I was just turning the insides into mush.
Oh well, look at the bright side. If these hormones are causing the fruit to become “Super”, they probably are doing the same for us. I’ve noticed I don’t have anymore symptoms of puberty (we can argue whether this is due to my age -28-or the Wal MArt produce) I have heard parents saying their kids are growing up much faster these days. See? How bad can these hormones be? Maybe since my bananana had tough skin, by eating it I will too. Then you can level all your insults at me and nothing will hurt me.


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