Happy New Year, Lenny

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]


Well, here I am, in 2008. I’m listening to Lenny Welch. I am the future, he is the past. It’s cool here Lenny. Your albums came out in the 1960’s, you probably lived in a covered wagon. Your time was so long ago Lenny, I feel for your hard times, you probably didn’t have electricity or running water. You were black and so you may have been a slave in your time. I wish you could have seen the year 2008. Racism is nearly extinct. The only people using the “N” word today are Gangsta Rappers. Gangsta Rap is a type of music that you didn’t have back then. Your rap is what we refer to as “Old Skool” because it was invented in an old school building. You may remember such rappers as Run DMC and The Fresh Prince. I don’t believe they ever used the “N” word. My worship pastor actually used the word the other day. In case you didn’t know, the N word is “Nursery”. I’m sorry. I won’t say it again.
Anyways, 2008 is nothing like 2007. Everything is different. The trees are more “stickly”, there is white “junk” on the ground everywhere. There is supposedly still “Global Warming” going on but it is really cold outside. Cars are different. There are more animals. There are more cars. Traffic is worse. Time moves more quickly. Perry Como is dead. There is the World Wide Web still but every website is different. Phone booths are obsolete. People don’t write “handwritten” letters anymore. My kitchen is a mess from the New Year’s party. I’m older. I’m out of milk. On the bright side:

  • We may see flying cars this year (I hope).
  • Hopefully the new US President will be Margret Thatcher.
  • I’m looking forward to the Nintendo and Apple merger and the creation of the iWii.
  • Thumbprint ID for every PC (no one will ever be able to hack into your MySpace and post Ringtone ads again)
  • The end of world hunger.
  • War in Iraq.
  • A Creed reunion.
  • Smellovision.
  • A return to 1950’s era etiquette.
  • An anitvirus for the Vampiris virus.
  • Learning chips that program knowledge into your brain so kids won’t have to go to school anymore.
  • Supercomputers.
  • Bigger pick up trucks.
  • McDonald’s ULTRA Supersize meals with 1 gallon soda cups and “gorge” size fries.
  • Buttons on Blog editors that automatically bullet lists

Enjoy 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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