The Internet Told Me

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

The internet is quite an amazing thing. But really we shouldn’t call it a “thing”. I mean, after all, it has more combined knowledge than most people – therefore we should refer to it as a him or her. That’s what I find freaky. Soon technology will be using that voice dial feature on your cell phone right on your computer. Then you can ask her (the internet) questions. “Hey Internet, how far is South Havana Motor company from here?” or “How come I’ve never heard of Brian Doerksen before?” and her CPU will automatically Google your question and she will tell you the answer. Somebody will ask you “Where is the 1st Lumbar Nerve?” and you will say “Hey Internet, where is the first Lumber Nerve?” and she will say “Somewhere in the forest,” and you will tell your friend and they will be like “Dang, you’re smart, how’d you know that?” and you’ll be like “The Internet told me”
That’s scary because then she will access her logic chip and she will think of EVERYTHING before you. How annoying. “Oh I need to email Mary and tell her I called Jaime,” you will say. “No need,” the Internet will say “I have already emailed Mary. I also noticed your refrigerator was low on the following items: Ketchup, Milk, Lettuce, Juice and Cheese. I have placed an order to Wal and the items will be delivered Friday at 10am. Also, you’re carpet was beginning to be high in dirt content, so I ordered your vacuum-bot to clean the carpet.”
“Wow, internet, I love you. Good night, sleep good.”


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