Devolution

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

I’m probably not the first to think of this, but to steak my claim-I’m planning on writing a novel called The Theory of Devolution. I wanted to go to the Galapagos Islands…but I think a better inspiration would be a city somewhere. A city where humans have devolved the most. It would have to be a city where self and instant-gratification have run amok. I want the city where Jerry Springer is taped, the city with the most Wal Marts & McDonalds per capita, the city where people write reality TV shows and commercials. I want the city where, if you’re not playing video games or creating them, then you’re actively affiliated with a gang and spend your time snorting blow. A city where corruption is not a derogatory term, but a type of government. I think the city will be called Las HollyVegaswood.
I will go there and figure out how to live on well-fare and food-stamps and see if someone will put me up in their trailer house. I will live on a daily diet of Mountain Dew and chili cheese Fritos and own no less than 8 dogs and 5 cats. I also hope to have several “project” cars out in the front lawn. I will try hard to cease caring about anyone but myself-cause, hey-I’m a victim. A victim of society. It’s my friend’s fault for making smoking look cool. And it’s TV’s fault for making me buy more beer. It seems like too, that white males are being held back anymore these days. That’s why I won’t try to go to college. It’s OK though, I got this email from a Nigerian guy who is going to give me like $50 million if I let him deposit his $100 million in my bank account so he can come to the USA. So it’s cool scrow. Whycome you gotta be mad doggin’ me like that?

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One thought on “Devolution

  1. Don’t forget to construct a toilet seat-lazy boy so you can comfotably watch “Ow my balls” all day.

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