Donate to Help Inter-Galactic Life

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

There is a debate out there right now whether aliens are good or bad or whether there are both kinds. Some people believe they come bearing gifts (mainly of technology) some believe they are coming to harvest things from us (such as hormones). I can’t believe in the former. It is too hard to picture these “little green men” from outter space landing in their little spaceship and popping the doors open and saying ‘Look! we brought you the Apple Mac G15’. No way. They just look too evil to be that nice. Plus, what are the laser guns on their ship for? Be rational people.
No, I believe they have much nobler scientific pursuits in mind. If you think about it, we humans are composed of many many good substances that promote life and energy and certain types of combustion. As in a recent blog of mine we are also almost perfect incubators for their eggs. They use mind control to get us to do what they want, even to the point of writing favorably about them. So, think about your:

  • hormones,
  • your blood,
  • your sweat,
  • your tears,
  • your digestives enzymes,
  • your fecal matter
  • urine
  • saliva
  • bacteria
  • snot
  • bile
  • boogers
  • aqueous fluid
  • inter-organal fluid
  • electrolytes
  • swelling fluid when you’re hurt
  • gas
  • flantabimal fluid
  • burp
  • spit
  • loogy (not sure the scientific term)
  • mucous
  • etc.

and imagine how they could use these fluids. I mean, are you really using them anyway? Really. Their planet and life in general could be greatly improved. So think about how you can sacrifice and help them. I am willing to donate any and all fluids. Especially urine.
Think about it.

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One thought on “Donate to Help Inter-Galactic Life

  1. I’ll give up my electrolytes. I’m not using them and probably never will. Plus, it’s got what plants crave!

    Like

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