The Neighbor’s Incorrigible Dog

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

He’s about the size of our cat, that neighbor’s dog with his hoarse non-intimidating bark. He’s usually fenced in the backyard but somehow he manages to poop in my front yard. Sometimes there is deer poop in my back yard.
One day (I can’t really remember if this is a dream or not) he came over and I saw him getting ready to crap. I opened the front door expecting him to bolt. But no, he was so sure he was right that he stayed there looking at me. I said to him, “C’mon-look, you’ve nearly covered my front yard in your fecal matter!” And he was like, “Look, I know you all hate me over here but I would like to believe you can look past your raw hatred. Maybe ‘dislike’ is a more accurate word? I mean, after all, it is only stool and is a part of nature. This shouldn’t warrant all-out hatred -I mean, you and I could be friends. I believe you’d understand my point of view if you weren’t so biased. Biased by your own use of toilets and your bipedal tendencies. You know, I really think you humans must think you’re superior just because you can do arithmetic and what not. Arithmetic is not even that amazing-I mean, who really needs it when they grow up anyways?” He spoke in a weird sort of half-daze almost like he didn’t really believe what he was saying or maybe he was bored of what he was saying. Then I realized this was all an elaborate distraction when I saw his pile of dookie.
OK, I’m pretty sure that was dream. But seriously do you follow his logic?

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