WARNING! GIANT BEAST COMING!!

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

Apparently pretty recently, a huge monster attacked and destroyed New York City. I saw the video tape they recovered from a guy who was taping his friend’s going away party. I am wondering why we haven’t seen ANYTHING on the news about this? It’s a cover up! That thing and its babies are probably marching through every city and killling everything and headed out here to the west and the government is keeping it a secret! Why…because they obviously accidentally created it in a cold fusion experiment. They were trying to fuse atoms into chemical weapons to use on Osama Bib Laden when it got too cold and created an atmosphere much like the primordial soup of early earth. A small electric shock (even someone scuffing their socks on the carpet) set off a chemical reaction throwing evolution into play (most people don’t realize how simple it is to a start evolution into motion- many accidental random things can start it off). It wasn’t long before a thousand foot tall beast was rising out of the water in the Hudson Bay area. He was likely looking for a gym to become the fittest in order to survive-ha ha just kidding.
Anyway, I’m drawing up some flyers warning of the beast that will soon make its way here that I will make millions of copies of that I will start stapling to phone poles and taping up in grocery stores. People need to start hearing about this.
One can only imagine what a thousand foot accidental species could do. From the video it looks like it can shoot fire balls and seemed to be a formidable opponent to the US Army. It also seems to be reproducing rapidly.

PS Keep your video cameras rolling in order to document its destruction for the survivors of your town.

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