Chuck & the Crew (1993)

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Chuck, a 20 year old man, stared at his T.V. as it played a baseball game.

“That reminds me,” he thought, I have a ball game today.” He got off his lazy butt, picked up his mitt and gear (catcher’s gear) because he was a catcher for the Dallas Horses. On his way out the door he stepped through a beam which instantly aged him 60 years so he was now 80 years old! Not at first realizing, he got into his EDSON and smashed the pedal to 50 mph in reverse running over his trash can. He roughly changed it into drive. On his way to the stadium he ran over a dog, a cat, a paper cup, a leaf and Vanilla Ice. When he arrived it was the top of the 3rd inning. He ran into the dugout. “Who are you old man?” he was asked by his team mate and CREW buddy Billy. “Duh, I’m Chuck!” “Ya sure, but I’ll let you play just in case.” He said. Chuck put his catcher’s gear on and crouched behind the batter. The pitcher threw a 90 m.p.h. ball that triggered a split second bad thought in Chuck’s mind: I forgot my cup!! While he was thinking that, the ball hit him there-hard. He laid on the ground, wailing in pain. The team coach told Billy to catch instead. Billy did the exact same thing that Chuck did and th coach told Joe to catch, the same thing happened to him. The coach told Jim to catch. The same thing happened to him. The coach told Bob to catch. The same thing happened to him. Now there was a pile of hurting catchers. Since Chuck was so old he started to have a heart attack. The heart attack made him tense every muscle in his body tightly which made him release a lot of gas. He grabbed his left arm in pain. Then the pain stopped, then a little later he grabbed his left arm and farted again-the pain stopped again. He suddenly realized he was standing in front of the pitcher and the next thing he knew, he was waking up on home plate with severe pain in his head. A man looking at him strangely said, “Get up dang it! The ambulance is waiting for you outside the stadium.” Chuck got up surprised no one was helping him. He proceeded out not paying too much attention to where he was heading. Well he got into a bus instead of the ambulance. The bus took off, heading down the freeway with Chuck sitting on the front steps. Chuck moaned as he grabbed his left arm and farted. The bus slowed to a stop. Chuck still thought he was in the ambulance and when it stopped at an airport he climbed on to a plane thinking it was the hospital. He sat on a first class seat and grabbed his left arm and farted. Thinking it was the hospital, he thought a flight attendant was a nurse he zipped his pants down and started mumbling something about his nuts to her. The flight attendant freaked out. The plane took off and he looked out the window just now finding out he was in a plane. He stood up and busted his head through the roof of the plane. The pilot made an emergency landing on an unknown island. When Chuck hit his head on the roof of the plane he forgot who he was and peed on the interior of the plane. The flight attendant kicked him off he found himself on a boat dock. He saw a woman and asked in a deep voice “Can I have a ride to the nearest Motel?” She said no and Chuck got into the back seat. She started driving anyway but she kept repeating the word OUT!! Chuck leaned his head back and bumped it which brough him back to his self. He grabbed his left arm and farted. She said “OUT!!” He forgot about the door and headed out. His head smashed through the window. The lady turned around, dumped him off in the water at the boat dock & drove off. When he smashed his head through the window, he went back to a “?” state. While under water he grabbed his left arm and bubbles went from his butt to the surface. He climbed out and went out to a freeway and tried to hitch hike out in the middle of the road but the cars just ran him over severing his left arm off. He got up and stumbled in to a forest  where a hunter shot his right arm off. He fell in a well but his right leg got caught and tore off. The 80 year old man got hungry and ate his left leg off. The stump with a head crawled back to  the dock where a helicopter landed. He used his teeth to climb up the side of the helicopter. He climbed past the door and got top of it. The still running blades chopped his head off. His head fell to the ground & the chopper flew off. He got hungry and ate the sin off his head. Then he touched a left tooth with his tongue and farted out the back of his skull blowing his brains out. Now he was a skull with eyes. He flew back to his baseball game somehow. He tractor beamed his mit. But suddenly he touched his left tooth with his tongue and farted out the back of his skull. This time the heart attack took a full swing. The skull shattered on the ground. Don’t ask me how he had a heart attack without a heart. Chuck somehow built himself back together. (Completely) He went out to his EDSON and drove back home he walked through the ager machine which changed him back to 20 years old. He picked his cup off the floor, put it in and walked out the back door. Chuck came around front and tore the ager off his house. He got back in his EDSON and drove back to the game which was now in the 23rd inning (in ties) In the dug out he said hi to BILLY JOE JIM BOB. He went out on the field, crouched in his catcher position and started catching. Finally the game was over and the HORSES won 30 to 31. Chuck drove home in his EDSON only to find the Crew (Billy, Joe, Jim & Bob) at his house. “Happy Birthday!” they screamed at him. “It’s not my birthday” Chuck explainec. “Oh darn!” said Bob. “Oh yeah – DUH  – that’s my dead Grandpa’s birthday” said Jim stupidly. Billy, Joe and Bob hit Jim over the head with baseball bats which killed him and Chuck taught him how to come back to life. When Billy, Joe and Bob saw this they killed their selves & Chuck also taught them. Now each of the Crew was immortal – I guess. So that’s how they became a crew – I mean by fighting crime with their so called “powers”! So now they are to be called – are you ready? – Chuck and the Crew – The Crime Fighters. Coming to a theater near you!

Rated R for bad language [farts] and very graphic scenes.

The End

By Josh Anderson the Cartoonist, not the writer.

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