How to Become A Legend – July 8, 2009

Having become somewhat notorious and controversial myself, I have learned some tips & tricks on how to become a legend.
Everyone wants to be a legend. Not true. Most people are content to seek lot’s of money and things and fame like “normal” people. A legend is more about being a real super hero. You want to be the stuff of myths, here’s how:
1. Be eccentric. This in a sense means being strange and different. Wear some glasses that no one else has. Make up your own style of clothes and wear them ALL the time. Never be mundane.

2. Make up your own accent. Don’t be too crazy with it cause people need to believe it. And it won’t be a lie cause it’s yours and it’s real.

3. Get involved in something you really like and do the “hell” out of it. If it’s writing, write novels, books, papers, articles and blogs. If it’s art, paint, draw, sculpt, go to art shows, sell your work and publish it. If it’s… If you don’t currently like anything then find something preferably wild such as baking with chimps and then you go out there and bake the HELL out of those chimps.

4. Learn how to do something spectacular like being able to wrestle a moose or being able to jump pretty high. Suggestions:
Learn a dazzling card trick
Always have candy in your pocket to give to kids
Base jump
Smoke Jump
Ride you bike with no hands
Ollie
Drive a tractor

5. Travel. Legends have “been there” “done that”. Every weekend you should be driving at least 50 miles to see new things. Also the more people who see your face, the more famouser you are.

6. Be nice to everyone you meet*. You need to become BFFs with almost everyone in the world.
*Except #7

7. You will have an enemy. Make sure your struggles with your enemy are known publicly.

8. Befriend the commissioner.

9. Have a secret identity. Wear big sunglasses and a hat and maybe a bandanna over your mouth when you go out.

10. Write a theme song about yourself and have it recorded but make it look like a fan made it.

11. Make up your own language.

12. Help people in need always.

13. Have a method for everything and teach it to your “pupils”

14. Tell “proverbs” and make them sound like contradictions like “To do, one must first NOT do”

k, i have to pee

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