How Prisons Can Save Money

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

I was listening to National Pubic Radio and they were interviewing a prisoner who was getting education in prison. I think he was in for Herbicide or something. The prison was looking at cutting the education program to save money but the prisoner was explaining that the education would keep him from returning to prison after he was released.
In typical NORYB blog fashion I will keep my solutions itemized in a bulleted list so as not to lose your flea-like attention:

  • Cut the education programme. No one needs education that bad.
  • Cut the costs within the programme. Many things have cheap substitutes: plastic scissors with rounded edges, off-brand glue instead of Elmer’s, basic Crayola colors instead of the fancy stuff, Lisa Frank cigar boxes are an excellent way to carry supplies, 3-ring binders from Wal Mart, etc.
  • Less prisoners=less costs and guards could use more target practice. You draw your own conclusions. I’m just sayin’.
  • Mannequins instead of teachers. Must be realistic looking.
  • Training videos on VHS instead of DVD…especially we don’t need to be wasting money on BluRay. I’m sure you can find entire episodes of Dora the Explorer or Blues Clues online.
  • Hire student teachers instead of University Professors. Both teacher & student will be learning = WIN WIN!
  • Longer nap times = less teaching time
  • Use other prisoners to teach the classes…or perhaps the K9 unit and you wouldn’t have to pay them.
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