Leap Day Extra Time – Wednesday, February 29, 2012

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]


Happy Leap Day! Today is a magical sort of time when there are extra hours in the year! A whole 24 hours of spare time!
I’ve decided not to go to work as it will not matter! Instead I am using this time for things I always want to do but don’t have the time!
Here’s 24 things I hope to do with my spare hours:

  • Be a “shock jock”
  • Be a well known local musician
  • Run a half marathon
  • Learn to speak Chinese
  • Read a classic novel like maybe the Harry Potter series
  • Be a CIA agent
  • Make my movie “Motorcycle Cowboys”
  • Visit war torn Syria as a Western Journalist
  • Kill a Unicorn
  • Run with the bulls
  • Be a Navy SEAL
  • Eat monkey brains
  • Be an NFL quarterback
  • Be an NYC firefighter
  • Be a cop (preferably a robo-cop)
  • Hang out with the Ninja Turtles & eat pizza!!
  • Write a novel about a nerdy kid name Nestor who becomes ripped & then goes back & destroys everyone who made fun of him in high school. At the end he has a moral crisis of whether he should use his powers for good or evil.
  • Learn science
  • Survive in a remote area with nothing but a “bowie knife”
  • Go to space
  • Invent na “i”Something that will outsell Apple & Microsoft combined & then use the money to buy Google & Facebook
  • Hang out with friends & watch a movie
  • Learn to surf
  • Start my own cult

OK well I better get started, but I think I need to explain that last one a little bit (soon I will write the Cult’s holy book, but for now…) I have learned the scientific bond between the spiritual & the material as seen in the lacing of a tennis shoe & its relation to a DNA Helix. If one suspends their earthly material body in a deprivation tank for a period of 8 to 10 hours in a state of total darkness, followed by hanging from the ankles for 15 minutes in a white room, the resulting state of consciousness reveals to them significant views into the eternal caverns of the spiritual mind (all of this can be done “in-mind” as it were without the aid of physical tanks, etc.). I have seen a great many number of floating orbs of energy ruminating as the flow from a central point and the relay their rumination to me via telekinesis. I’m getting frustrated because you won’t believe me! Anyway I have learned very detailed information about EVERYTHING! I will laboriously begin to spell it out here:

A- Pointed on top & giving elation to digestive processes


a \’l hasan al ashari – to be disassociated with from here on out as his forthcoming life is a de-evolution into some kind of fungi



a a baranov – traded his beard for fur

aard-vark- should be pictured above every door frame at eqinox

ETC. (You get the idea)


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