Dear Hollywood….

Please make a high-budget blockbuster movie adaptation (in the vein of Thor or 300) of the story of Samson from Judges 13-16. I realize there is a lot of back story that will need to be made up because the story only hits the highlights. I hope you’ll let a theologian do this part to keep it as close as possible to Biblically accurate & consistent to God’s story.

I think you’ll find the details of the story to be fertile material for one of the best “300 Style” action movies ever made. There’s is plenty of Man vs Man, Man vs Self, Man vs Nature & Man vs Society Conflict to make really interesting plot. There is irony in that the “good guy” has many vices of his own.

There are so many powerful action scenes beginning with him tearing apart a lion with his bare hands. These will make an epic action flick for dudes, but there is also some romance for the ladies (also you could use some huge muscly dude with long hair that the girls will love).

When Samson’s riddle is figured out (due to a naggy wife), he has to make good on his promise of giving the people 30 sets of clothes. He does this in a way that makes Arnold Swartzenwegger in Commando look like a little boy playing army. To get back at him, the Philistines give his wife to another man. Bad move. Samson always gets the last say…come to think of it, that should be his motto, haha. Samson rounds up 300 foxes as easily as shooting fish in a barrel, ties them in twos with a torch & in one fell swoop he burns all of their crops. In a “tit for tatt” battle the Philistines up the ante by burning his wife with her father.

This turns out to be the straw that breaks the camels back and angers Samson to the point of turning into Hulk. Samson goes down to a cave to contemplate things while his own people are starting to fear all out war with the Philistines & so they turn Samson over to the enemy (afraid he may turn into hulk they send 3000 men just escort him).

Samson let’s them tie him & as they approach the Philistines I can just hear the Hans Zimmer score rising amid the roar of taunting & trash talking. Then there is jolt of the Spirit of the Lord “rushing on him” & then I see it go quiet as he reaches down & picks up “fresh jawbone of a donkey”. I love in the Bible when it says “The Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power”. You know crap’s about to get real. Then there in an intense blast of an action/battle scene to rival Lord of the Rings or Braveheart, etc. Perhaps one of the most understated phrases in the Bible “and with it he struck 1,000 men”, could easily be played out in an epic movie scene making 300 look boring. I see man after man of the Philistines try to take him on as he lays them to waste (this could be pretty gory). They try stabbing him with swords & shooting him with arrows all in futile fury as he furiously cuts them down with the jawbone. (I’m making a lot of this up in my head:)Two men ride at him on horses with swords & spears & grabs ahold of the reigns and at once flips both horses to bring them down on the men. After the battle dies down, Samson stands amid a pile of a thousand slain men and says

“With a donkey’s jawboneI have made donkeys of them. With a donkey’s jawbone I have killed a thousand men.”

EPIC. The place is is forever called Ramath Lehi after that (I think maybe this could be the name of the movie…or maybe Jawbone Hill).

Lest this becomes too much a one-sided story, we see Samson’s biggest weakness: women, when he goes down to Gaza & sleeps with a prostitute. This leads to another iconic scene; he must have caught wind of the people’s plan to surround the place & attack him dawn, because he decided to leave in the middle of the night; not before he rips their city gate out of the ground & plants it on a hill.

Now comes the most known part of the story where he falls in love with Delilah but she turns out to be the biggest trader of them all. The Philistines have her try to get the secret of his strength out of him. At first he screws with her & makes her look stupid by lying to her about how to subdue him but finally after nagging him to death he finally tells her. This seems strange but I can imagine that she turned on the waterworks & made him believe she just wanted to know for herself.

And so, like kryptonite to Superman, she shaves his head while he sleeps. This time, with his strength gone, the Philistines are able to tie him up and imprison him. This is the saddest part of the story because they gouge his eyes out & then set him to slave labor. It’s the part of the story when the hero is at his lowest and seems to have lost the battle. Betrayed, lonely & working hard the days go by and slowly we see his hair growing back. In a montage of his hardest times, the Hans Zimmer music rises as his power is coming back for one last hurrah.

In a scene  that seems to be written for such a movie, Samson is brought out to entertain thousands of Pagan Philistines as they rub it in his face that their false god has given him to them. I can hear the festival, the commotion, the taunting rising in intensity. You see over a thousand people on the roof of this magnificent temple & another 1500 or so inside.

Samson, seeing there is no way out, knows there is only one way to take them all out but it will be every last ounce of himself. He has them place him before the largest load bearing pillars of the temple. I see him look heavenward with blind eyes, tears streaming down his face as he says in a quivering voice “O Lord God, please remember me and please strengthen me only this once, O God, that I may be avenged on the Philistines for my two eyes.” He bows down pulling the pillars in. You hear a deep thunderous crack as the monstrous granite stones snap as if in an earthquake. The temple crashes down killing all of his enemies with him. No one gets the last laugh on Samson. As the dust settles among the catastrophe the film fades to black & quietly the credits roll. Off to the side there are images of Samson through thousands of years showing his impact on history & culminating with pictures of gravestones of he and his father Manoah.

The End

PS I think the “Jawbone” scene should have Project 86’s “The Butcher”

The Butcher lyrics

This man came to me he was looking for action
Pulling a blade to my neck
He said, “Call me the butcher cause that’s my trade
And you know that I’ve come to collect.”

I said “Hit me now
And we’ll see where it leads
Cut me out if you think I will bleed
Strike me down If you think you’re a man
Cause I know that you don’t understand”

Because there is no weapon
There is no blade
You wonder why I’m not afraid?
There is no weapon
There is no blade
You’ll never kill Him that lives inside of me.

He looked into my eyes, all he saw was conviction
Dropping the blade to the earth
I said, “How could you think that I’d ever retreat?
You know that I’m already dead.”

I said “Hit me now
and we’ll see where it leads
Cut me out if you think I will bleed
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/project-86-lyrics/the-butcher-lyrics.html ]
Strike me down If you think you’re a man
Cause I know that you don’t understand”

Because there is no weapon
There is no blade
You wonder why I’m not afraid?
There is no weapon
There is no blade
I’ve erased all of my fear of the grave

There is no weapon
There is no blade
You wonder why I’m not afraid?
There is no weapon
There is no blade
You’ll never kill Him that lives inside of me.

Because there is no weapon
There is no blade
You wonder why I’m not afraid?
There is no weapon
There is no blade
I’ve erased all of my fear of the grave

There is no weapon
There is no blade
You wonder why I’m not afraid?
There is no weapon
There is no blade
You’ll never kill Him that lives inside of me.

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