[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]
Well hello everyone. It’s been a while since I last wrote…it was March…that’s…um….well i don’t want to do the math. It’s been several months. A few important things have happened lately that need to be discussed:
1.) Wildfires in Colorado. Are you for or against? Let’s be civil in our discussion, OK? I just want to go ahead & put it out there: I’m against them. Yes, and I’m not ashamed to say it.
2.) Chik-Fil-A. This has been one of the hottest debates in recent history & has “blown up” on Facebook walls. I haven’t really looked into the debate, but seriously what can people have against Chicken? If it’s animal cruelty, well even the cows are telling us to eat there. I’m for Chik Fil A. We have too many burger joints & KFC needs some competition.
3.) Barak vs Mitt. *sigh*. I hate politics.
4.) Shootings in Aurora. OK, double yoo, tee, eff? This is SUCH a sad tragedy!! I keep thinking about the events that happened that day & what deviations in that day could/would have stopped James Holms? Like what if on his way to the theater he saw a puppy & decided life was precious & had a change of mind? Of course for someone as demented as him he probably would have shot the puppy. But maybe that would have satisfied his need to kill? Maybe that puppy could have saved 12 lives? An animal sacrifice if you will. Poor puppy.
Anyway, so I guess his apartment was booby trapped? What’s up with that? The killer didn’t want any burglars breaking in? How come none of his booby trappery backfired on him? Come on Fate, help us out! I mean, I’m a law abiding trustworthy citizen & some mornings before I have coffee I can’t make it through a door without plastering my face on the glass & leaving half the crap I was supposed to take with me that day. Why couldn’t Holms have woke up groggy one day & set off one of his bombs & “taken care of himself”. Know what I mean?
I understand home security though. I don’t want any emm effers breaking into my house. I have some standard security precautions set up. But just today I was thinking of some more “out of the box” security features. Like what if someone broke in & instead of seeing all the stuff they wanted to steal, they were just confused? Like what if the first thing they saw was another wall. & then there was peanut butter on the floor? They would go around the wall & see a little machine in the center of the room just working, you know like doing stuff, but who knows what this machine is? From another room there’d be like a soft “mooing” sound. Then they’d try to take the TV but when they pulled it off the stand it’d be tied down underneath with half a mile of dental floss. If they stepped in the right place a hatch would open & dump a bucket of salami & baloney on their head. Finally they’d just be like “this guy a effed in the head! man let’s get outta here!”