22 Things of Successful People

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]

 

Originally at No One Reads Your Blog

1. Eat folic acid.

Successful people eat lots of B9 to repair DNA. Broken DNA = cancer. If it tastes bad, eat with a spoonful of sugar.

 

2. Organize your sock drawer.

It’s called Feng Shui, look it up. Having dress socks invade the space of athletic socks will make your brain feel “off” all day.

 

3. Run with scissors.

That’s right I said it. This dangerous situation will elevate adrenaline levels & make you feel unstoppable.

 

4. Don’t do drugs.

It’s been proven that drugs like crack cocaine, heroine, meth, tylenol and pot cause things to happen in the brain leading to a life in the ghetto and using robbery to gain things and money.

 

5. Masticate.

Your stomach will thank you for thoroughly chewed food.

 

6. Don’t let go.

I heard this in a Weezer song. If someone has made you mad, there’s a reason for it & you won’t feel closure until you’ve gotten revenge.

 

7. Compliment people.

Especially people that are ugly or stupid. It will be hard but find something to compliment. Maybe the way they look- OK then you’d be lying. Don’t lie. Maybe tell them they worded that last phrase nicely…well, I don’t know…stop looking at me.

 

8. Always look at the bright side of life.

Monty Python told us this and you know, he was right. After I totaled my Honda in a horrific accident one year, I immediately thought “That fool’s insurance just bought me a new truck! Woo hoo!”

 

9. Umm… well OK, just 9 things….

 

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