WiFi Mind Reading

[Originally posted by Yosh at No One Reads Your Blog, a blog collaboration by the members of the band Jake Wilkinson’s Unicycle]


It hit me like a ton of bricks the other night as I leaned over the bar sipping my Coors Light.

“The gumment’s reading our minds, man,” I said to my buddy who stood to my right thumbing through texts and Facebook posts on his iPhone.

“Psh,” he says to me, “No they’re not!”

“Sure they are, dude…you’re getting WiFi right now, right? All this detailed information is being passed through the air to & from your phone, right? So think about this, man: Our brains send out waves according to our thoughts (in AM & FM radio waves among others). So what they do, is the send a certain signal out over WiFi that’s….well its like this,” I set my beer on the bar and used my hands to simulate water flowing down a stream.

“My beer is like a rock in a stream and the water flows around it… So this WiFi signal parts around the brainwaves you’re emitting. When they receive that signal right back (its probably just emailed right to them)  they get a wave pattern, the inverse of which it the exact pattern coming from your brain, dude. Yeah…there they have it! When they decode it, they know exactly what your thinking! They can play those waves like grooves on a record bro!”

So I don’t know what this means except that we need to either cover our phones in tin foil, or wrap our heads in it… I dunno…I think it could be a new trend in head gear fashion….


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