Chapter 1: The Disgusting Reflection
I leaned forward and sank my head into my pillow trying sleep from a sitting position. I didn’t know the guy to my right or the couple behind me. I watched out the window into the dark as the desert sped by. There was a devil in the Mohave and he was anxious to fight what was stirred in my mind by the previous week’s events. He got me thinking, he asked me questions, told me things and I got mixed up in the conversation as to whether it was him or me. You don’t fit in here. You’re not being yourself. The guy directly in front of me was probably 7 years younger than me, but out of all the “adults” around me, I felt closest to his age. I still can’t fathom being in my late 20’s. Nothing is changing, not thing. You don’t have what it takes to change things for yourself. You’re a lot older than all your friends and it’s more obvious to them than you think. You’re not as “in” as you think. You should find people your age to hang out with – holding on to these friends is immature. I wrestled with the Mohave devil and he held me down. I tried to reason that some things went well but he had a rebuttal for everything I said. Later when I saw the pictures – I didn’t recognize myself at first. Am I really that guy? I don’t feel like I look. I’ve gotten fatter, haven’t I? I have this hideous slouch. My egghead has never been so boastful. When I looked in the mirror I wanted the mirror to close it’s eyes quietly and never wake up again. “I am so ready for change,” I said 6 years ago, and then 5 years ago….but I really meant it 4 years ago when I broke down once and for all. A second later I was saying it for real 3 years ago. You become numb to your ultimatum of self. The only release is to pretend like nothing is happening. Think of something else…..
Chapter 2: Rebecca’s Revolution
I knew in my head I needed to this, but it I knew it in my heart when Rebecca sent me a drawing in the mail. This girl was real, no longer a poster child. I was shaken to the core. A couple of my close friends were involved in Young Life and they were sacrificing huge amounts of time to make a difference in kid’s lives. I took note and admired the work they put in. A couple other friends left familiar territory and went far, far away because God told them to. And I asked myself, are you afraid? And God asked me what is most important in life? Money started to lose value as it came in like never before in my life. You have to find out for yourself what a new drum set, a new laptop, paintball gun, snowboarding gear and a longboard can’t do for you. Bono, using his celebrity as cash, chose to spend it in the most noble way. This friend of mine went to Boise Bible college, these other friends went to Bible college in California and God asked me how old were you when you gave your life to me? Chepto, can I help you? I’ll do what I can. Some friends of mine are working on Campus to diciple college students. I’m realizing a Revolution in World Ministries. I tried to make Hernando’s slide work better. I couldn’t believe he was playing about 30 yards from a landfill…and worst of all he had no parents…. Then I realized it….the Mohave devil was powerless against me when I was playing with Hernando, when I was sending Rebecca a drawing back.
Chapter 3: MySpace’s Fatal Flaw
How did this stupid online profile thing sweep the country and even the world? I’ll tell you what it offers, it gives you a chance to display things about yourself people wouldn’t normally know or see. Suddenly you can advertise yourself by picking all the photos you look hot in. You can convey exactly what you feel in a blog and it’s available 24/7 for anyone to read. You can see “what’s up” with all your friends. Gossip leaves a “paper” trail accessible any time of day. You get comments to you and about you and even more juicy is a message for your eyes only. The addicting part of MySpace comes when you open your account and you have New Comments, New Messages and New Picture Comments. They all have the potential to be little self-esteem boosters. You feel like your losing it when the comments run dry, though. When your only friend requests start to be fake profiles built by some stupid porn company you start to feel this artificial let down. The inherent problem with MySpace is that it’s all about me, me, me. As long as your eyes are on yourself, you will be more and more let down…. to be continued…?